I just got off the phone with a Veterinarian who specializes in home euthanasia.
She will be here this afternoon.
My stomach is in knots right now and admittedly, I am a little bit shaky, so I’ve decided to write. I’m writing to make sense of a tough situation, to make sure I am doing the right thing… no…I’m writing to come to terms with the fact that this is the right thing to do.
In theory I believe euthanasia is the right thing to do when the time has come. In reality it is the hardest decision I’ve had to make in a long time. Every time I have asked myself over the last month whether this is the right thing to do, I then ask myself how I would want to be treated in my final difficult days. My answer is I would want to be home where I am comfortable, with the people I love where I can pass quietly into the next life. That is exactly what I want for her.
Our cat, Macy, is a part of our family, albeit not the most friendly or welcoming part, but an important member nonetheless. She just turned 15 years old on February 2nd. We gave her the Birthday 2-2-2000 when we adopted her from the Humane Society. We called her Macy because when we first brought her home she hid behind the toilet until Macy Gray’s song ‘I Try’ came on the stereo. She was a standoffish feline to say the least. She would cuddle, but only on her terms. This may sound familiar to many cat people. We love them regardless or maybe just because of who they are
Macy has always been my cat. I feed her, I groom her, I cuddle with her, I showered her with tomato juice both times she took on the neighbourhood skunks. Imagine, an empty can of tomato juice, a soaking wet, cranky cat and me with scratches and puncture marks all over. I would do it again in a second.
As I sit here listening to her wheeze, I remember her eyes lighting up as we played ‘attack the moving legs’ under the bed covers. I remember worrying about her when she would be gone for days at a time on some adventure. I remember throwing her catnip frog toy up and her catching it in midair, until her hip pain prevented her from jumping. I remember her curiosity when we brought home our newborn daughter and how she would sit at my feet while the baby nursed and would be content rubbing against my legs.
I guess this is the idea, isn’t it? To Remember. And I do Macy…I do.
Ironically, that first song that Macy responded to, “I Try” is the one that sums up how I feel today:
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
It’s time to go. I need to spend what little time Macy has left, by her side. I just have to remember that kindness can be shown in many different ways to all living things.
With all the Love and Kindness I can muster,